If Tree Huggers Ran the NFL

Well, now, the NFL is not exactly the organization you would expect tree huggers to flock to. But let's just, for the sake of argument, say they did. What would they do with all those politically incorrect, environmentally unfriendly names? Let's see if we can guess.

The Tree Hugger's Guide to the NFL

1. Denver Horses Ridden Abusively By Humans


2. Chicago Endangered Grizzly Bears


3. Washington Native Americans


4. Kansas City Native American Leaders


5. Minnesota Fur-and-Horn-Wearing Pillagers


6. Pittsburgh Coal-Burning Smog-Generating Steelers


7. Los Angeles Waterborne Murder-Thief-Rapists


8. Tampa Bay Waterborne Murder-Thief-Rapists


9. Miami Noble, Intelligent, and Wise Dolphins


10. Houston Oil-Spilling Well-Drilling Natural Resource Wasters


11. Green Bay Packers of Dead Abused Animal Flesh


12. Dallas Cattle Murderers and Native American Exploiters


13. New England White Male Gun-Carrying Tree-Chopping Imperialist Dogs


14. New Orleans Sanctimonious Morals-Imposers


15. Philadelphia Endangered Bald Eagles


16. New York Vertically and Gravitationally Enhanced


17. Los Angeles Sort Of Endangered Rams


18. Cleveland Players of Color


19. Atlanta Endangered Peregrine Falcons


20. Phoenix Religious Hierarchy (don't let the bird fool you)


21. San Diego Electricity Consumers


22. Cincinnati Endangered Bengal Tigers


23. San Francisco Gold Profiteers


24. Buffalo Wild West Show Stars and Cattle Abusers


25. Seattle Generic Sea Birds, Some Of Which Are Endangered


26. New York Air-and-Noise-Polluting-Bird-Scaring Jets

Old Time Candy You Know You Want Some! Hundreds to Choose From

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