Super Bowl vs. Yom Kippur

How does the Super Bowl compare to Yom Kippur?

David Mamet said that there are really only two true religious holidays in America - The Oscars and the Super Bowl. With that in mind, let's take a look at how the Super Bowl compares with Yom Kippur, Judaism's most holy day. NOTE: Yom Kippur = (YK): The Super Bowl = (SB)

YK - Millions of Jews attend services on this one day of the year.
SB - Millions of people watch football on this one day of the year.

YK - Proceeded by ten days of repentance, while you learn about the faults of people around you.
SB - Proceeded by two weeks of hype while you learn about the faults of obscure athletes.

YK - Fasting which purifies the soul.
SB - Snacking which clogs the arteries.

YK - Overpriced tickets.
SB - Overpriced tickets.

YK - Key prayers repeated and repeated and repeated.
SB - Key plays repeated and repeated and repeated in slow motion,

YK - Kol Nidre.
SB - Pre-Game Show.

YK - Carrying of any money is forbidden.
SB - Billions of dollars are gambled.

YK - Everyone wants to find out who shall be inscribed in the Book of Life.
SB - Everyone wants to find out who'll be inscribed in the NFL Record Book

YK - Five services starting at 9:30 AM and ending at sunset.
SB - Pre-Game Show, followed by Game, followed by Post-Game Show, starting at 9:30 AM and ending at 10:00 PM .

YB - Dropping the Torah scroll = a 40 day fast.
SB - Dropping the football = 40 years as Super Scapegoat.

YK - Wearing leather shoes is forbidden.
SB - Holding a pigskin is encouraged.

YK - Wail in agony because of your misdeeds.
SB - Wail in agony because of the referee's miscalls.

YK - The fast is broken with a glass of wine.
SB - The game is ended by pouring Gatorade over the head of the winning coach.

YK - Follows New Year.
SB - Follows New Year.

YK - Ends with a final blast of the shofar and a lame benediction by a Rabbi.
SB - Ends with the pop of champagne corks and a lame phone call from the President.

This article is Copyright 1992, 1995 by Noel Rappin and Ross Garmil. All Rights reserved. Do not reprint without this notice attached. Orignally printed in GRAVITY: The Humor Magazine of Brandeis University, Volume 3, Issue 1, December 1992.

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