|Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers - Merle Kessler|
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Football Jokes and Humor
A neurotic football fan came to a game and found his place in the bleachers. After a while, someone far behind him yelled, "Hey, John."
The guy got up and scanned the crowd behind him. Not seeing anyone he recognized, he sat down.
Some time later, again someone yelled, "Hey, John."
The guy got up again and looked around. Seeing no one he knew, he sat down.
A third time someone yelled, "Hey, John."
Finally, the guy got up, turned around and yelled, "Knock it off! My name's not John."
Two football players were not doing well in their classes. They had a final exam to take and had to pass it or they would be put on academic probation and not be able to play.
The test was fill-in-the-blank. The last question on the test was "Old MacDonald had a ____________."
Not knowing the answer, Tiny looked around and saw that the professor was not looking. He tapped Bubba on the arm and asked, "That's the answer to the last question?"
"That's an easy one," said Bubba. "Everybody knows he had a farm."
"Thanks," said Tiny. But then he said, "How do you spell "farm?"
"Boy you really are dumb," said Bubba. You spell it E-I-E-I-O."
On Sunday's I normally watch football on the TV in the den. I was in there on the couch in my usual position when my wife came in. "Are you waiting for the Seahawks game to start?" she asked.
"No," I said.
"Is there some other game you want to watch?"
"Well, then, why are you just sitting there with the TV off?"
On New Year's Day, my wife and I always have a conflict about what is more important, dinner or football. This year, deciding that my marriage is more important than football, I sat down to dinner before watching the game. I even lingered for a while afterwards to chat some. Then I went down to the den to watch the game.
Soon my wife arrived with a cold drink for me, kissed me on the forehead and asked me how the game was going. I said, "It's the third quarter and the score is still nothing to nothing.
"See," she said. "You didn't miss a thing!"
The football player was all brawn and no brains. But he sat next to a really smart kid. The teacher knew he was cheating on test, but could never catch him, until one day. She was correcting the test and saw that the really smart kid had answered the last question, "I don't know the answer." The dumb guy had answered, "I don't either."
The first grade teacher explained to the class that she was an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asked the class to raise their hand if they were also a Colts fan. The little first graders didn't know what a Colts fan was, but they all raised their hand because they wanted the teacher's approval. All, that is, except one little girl.
"You're not a Colts fan?" asked the teacher
"No," she said. "My mommy and daddy are Chicago Bears fans. So I am, too."
"Well, that doesn't make any sense," said the teacher. "If your mommy and daddy were idiots, what would be then?"
"Then I'd be a Colts fan," she said.
The football coach came into the locker room. Buster, his star player was there. "Son," he said, "you're failing math. I'm not supposed to let you play, but we need you on the team. Here's what I'm going to do. I'll ask you a math question. If you get it right, you can play."
Buster said OK. The coach looked him in the eye and said, "Now think hard. How much is two plus two?"
Buster though a minute and answered, "Four."
All excited, the coach said "Did you say four?"
At which point the other players all yelled, "Awe, come on, Coach. Let him try again."
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