|Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. - Fran Lebowitz|
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Funny Football Quotes
Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."
"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school." ~ Clemson University recruit Ray Forsythe who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements
"You guys line up alphabetically by height. You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." ~ Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
"Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport." ~ Duffy Daugherty
"If you see a defensive line with a lot of dirt on their backs, they've had a bad day." ~ John Madden
Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. ~ George Will
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." ~ Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
(Describing an opposing team) "Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck." ~ Don Shula
"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that. ~ Bill Shankly
Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: "I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time."
Darrell Royal, University of Austin football coach, when asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning, answered "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?"
Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."
LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14 children: They can't fire me because my family buys too many tickets."
"There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team's goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball occasionally." ~ Alfred Hitchcock
Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at Arizona State and Ohio State, on his 11-year-old son's reaction after he took the job with the Boilermakers: "He said: 'Gosh, Dad, that means we're not going to any more bowl games."
Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn 's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored in yet."
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, of his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
"After all these years, I finally get to put on the pads and go out and hit somebody." ~ Garylynn Boyd, a center for the Tampa Tempest in the new Women's Professional Football League
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