Custom Football Zingers

Are you mad at a football team (or their fans)? Here's a way you can vent your frustrations. Just plug in the team name in the box, hit enter, and have at it.

Team to Denegrate:

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

The Seven Dwarfs were Hi-Hoeing, Hi-Hoeing, through the forest one day on the way to work when they all slipped and fell into a deep ravine. Show White was following behind them. She ran to the ravine, looked over the edge and called out to the Dwarfs to see if they were okay. The response was, "The ____________ are going to the Super Bowl!"

"Well," she thought, "at least Dopey survived."

Fed Up

After a long loosing season for the ____________, a fan was fed up. The thought of standing in line and fighting the crowds just to watch another defeat was not what he wanted to do. So his took his season ticket to the bus station and pinned it to the bulletin board for anyone who wanted it.

He was surprised the next day to see that his ticket had multiplied.

Questions and Answers

Q: What do you call 47 guys sitting around watching the Super Bowl on TV?
A: The ____________.

Q: If you pass a ____________ fan riding a bike on the road, why shouldn't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bike.

Q: What will most ____________ players get on their Wonderlic test?
A: Drool

Q: What do you call a ____________ fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What do laxatives and ____________ fans have in common?
A: Both irritate the crap out of you.

Q: Can you name one difference between a winning ____________ team and a UFO?
A: People have reported seeing a UFO.

Q: If you are a ____________ fan, where would you go during a tornado warning?
A: To their stadium. There's never a touchdown there.

Q: Do you know the difference between a ____________ fan and a chimp?
A: One's stupid, hairy and smells. The other one is a chimpanzee.

Q: Why did the ____________ team miss their flight for the big game?
A: They got stuck on a broken escalator!

Q: How do you knock out a drunk ____________ fan?
A: Slam the toilet seat on his head.

Q: You find yourself stuck in a room with a hungry lion, an angry grizzly bear and a ____________ fan. You've got a gun, but only two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the ____________ fan... twice.

Q: What do you say to a ____________ fan with a job?
A: "Can I have a hamburger and fries please?"

Q: Why are the ____________ like a possum?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Why do ____________ players post their Wonderlic test scores on their dash boards?
A: So they can park in the handicap spaces.

____________ Season Schedule

September

Chicago Culinary Arts Academy
Kansas City School of Business Choir
Iowa City School of Modeling
Northwest Academy of the Blind

October

Springfield High School
Bellevue Seniors Bridge Club
____________ Cheerleaders
Yorkville AIDS and VD Clinic #1

November

Stroudsburg School of Fashion Design
Girl Scout Troop #24
Manchester Junior High School
Crippled Children's Home

December

Spanish American War Veterans
Cub Scout Pack #121
Korean War Veteran Amputees
Associated Master Plumbers

____________ Rules

These Rules Have Been Added Since Last Year

1. During the game with the Korean War Veteran Amputees, the ____________ are not allowed to protest that it is harder to tackle a player with only one leg.


2. During the game with the Girl Scouts, the ____________ are not allowed to eat their cookies.


3. During the game with the Academy of the Blind, the ____________ are not allowed to hide under their jerseys.

These Rules Have Not Changed Since Last Year

1. The ____________ will be allowed 20 time-outs per half. The other teams will be allowed 3.


2. The ____________ will be allowed 27 men on the field at all times.


3. A touchdown is still worth 6 points. (For all you ____________ fans that have never seen one, this is when the ball is carried over the goal line).


4. A first down will be awarded to the ____________ for every gain of 3 yards.


5. Members of the High School Glee Club are allowed to substitute for ____________ players at any time during the game.

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