|When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something - Dick Butkus|
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One Liner Football Jokes
We have so many players on the disabled list that the team's bus can use handicapped parking.
The only way they can gain yardage is to run their game films backward.
The place kicker attempted a field goal, but missed. He was so mad that he tried to kick himself but missed again.
I hear the three most popular sports in Texas are professional football, college football and high school football.
The team plays in a dome stadium. They prefer to kick with the air conditioning at their backs.
You know someone is a true college football fan if he can sit in the front row at the 50 yard line and ask, "What cheerleaders?"
He's so huge the instead of a number he should have a license plate.
They built a new football stadium in Warsaw , but found out they can't use it. No matter where you sit, you're behind a Pole.
Did you hear about the football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub?
Honey, I know I told you that I loved you more than football, but that was during the strike.
Football is a game of inches, and that's how some teams move the ball.
You know that your coaching job is in jeopardy when the marching band forms a noose during their half-time performance.
They call it their nickel defense, because that's all it's worth.
Our players have a lot on the ball. Unfortunately, it's not usually their hands.
That linebacker has rung so many bells that he has a fan club. It's made up entirely of Avon ladies.
He wore number 78. Unfortunately, that was his SAT score.
I thought one of the linemen had a tattoo on his leg but it turned out to be a government meat inspection stamp.
Pro linemen are so huge that it takes only four of them to make a dozen.
I knew that he was on steroids. His I.Q. and neck size are the same number.
A football coach lamented that the two toughest problems he faced were defensive linemen and offensive alumni.
He retired because of illness and fatigue. The fans were sick and tired of his coaching.
Husband: "Honey, do you have anything you want to say before football season starts?"
Our offensive line was so good that even our backs couldn't get through it.
Our team employs our famous "Doughnut Defense." That's the one with the big hole in the middle.
Wife says to her friend: "The most exciting play of the season was when Sam sat on the guacamole."
Our linebacker is so strong he can even pitch horseshoes while they're still on the horse.
This year I can assure you that our team is going to move the ball. I just hope that it goes forward.
I would have played football, but I have an intestinal problem - no guts.
Old quarterbacks never die. They just pass away.
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